Get support For adopters Supporting sleep and bedtime for previously looked after children (early years) Understanding sleep To fall asleep, the body must shift into a relaxed state, Our bodies follow a natural 24-hour rhythm (known as the circadian cycle), which is influenced by light and darkness, rest and activity, food intake, and temperature. When this balance is disrupted, it can interfere with melatonin production and cortisol regulation. These are the two key hormones that affect your ability to fall and stay asleep. Children who are hyper-alert or anxious may have high levels of cortisol, making it harder to wind down. Additionally, some may associate bedtime with frightening or unsafe experiences. How you can support your child’s sleep Learn their bedtime routine Before your child moves in, gather as much information as possible about their current sleep habits. Ask: Do they have their own room or share with someone? Do they have a comfort item (eg. blanket or stuffed toy)? Do they prefer lights on or off, or a sound like white noise or music? What’s their usual bedtime routine? Do they have a favorite book, song, or story? What time do they usually go to sleep and wake up? Have there been sleep difficulties? What strategies helped or didn’t? Try to replicate their usual routine as much as possible in the early weeks. You might also send a used pillowcase or cuddly toy in advance so your child can begin forming familiarity and a comforting connection to you and your home. Communicate about sleep If your child can talk with you about sleep, gently explore their worries. For some children, staying alert at night may have been necessary to protect themselves or others. Reassure them that you are now taking on that role—and that they are safe. You might also introduce tools like: Worry dolls or a dreamcatcher Transitional objects such as photos of adoptive parents A weighted blanket A consistent reassuring phrase (eg. “You’re safe. I’m here. It’s time to rest.”) Establish a calm and predictable bedtime routine Consistency is key. A predictable routine helps your child feel secure and signals that bedtime is approaching. Keep it simple: Offer choices before their bedtime routine (eg. “Which book should we read tonight?”), You might encourage your child to put their toys to bed by covering them with a blanket or lying them down. This reinforces that their bedroom is for sleep rather than playing. Follow the same order of activities each night (eg. A relaxing bath, story, cuddle, sleep), Keep the bedroom dark, cool, quiet, and free from distractions such as household pets. Your child’s daytime routine is also important including the order and timing of dinner time and encouraging calmer play in the hour leading to bedtime. You may need to adjust your child’s bedtime routine to be appropriate for their developmental age which might be younger than their chronological age. Eg. A milk bottle for a toddler. If helpful, write the routine down or use visual cues or pictures such as Boardmaker symbols. Wind down before bed Start transitioning to bedtime about an hour before sleep: Choose calming activities (eg. drawing, puzzles, reading), Lower the lights and speak in a calm, quiet voice, Avoid screens, high-energy games, sugary snacks, and big meals, Prepare the room with dim lighting, calming scents (like lavender), and a cosy but cool space. A hot water bottle can warm up the bed and make it feel more inviting, but be sure to remove it before your child gets in. Leaving it in the bed can pose a safety risk. Supporting independent sleeping and separation anxiety Adopted children may struggle with separation due to disrupted attachment. Sleep training techniques that involve leaving a child to cry are not recommended. You should also avoid using stair gates to prevent your child leaving their room. Some professionals or sleep specialists may recommend this but it is not appropriate for an adopted child. Once your child is settled and your bond is stronger (typically after a few months), you might try gentle methods, such as: The “Disappearing Chair” technique: Sit by your child's bed maintaining some physical contact (eg. Holding their hand or arm) at bedtime for 10 minutes. The contact should be still, avoid stroking or rubbing their back etc. Sit by the bed but not making physical contact for 10 minutes. Move the chair away from the bed, but stay in the room for 10 minutes. Move the chair outside the room, by the door for 10 minutes. Be patient. Progress is often measured in months and will likely consist of some regression to earlier stages that you thought you had moved on from. Some children need more time or a different approach. If your child is currently bedsharing or not yet sleeping in their own bed, you may need to take some additional steps to support a smooth transition. Handling night-waking and nightmares Night-waking is normal and some children have difficulty falling back asleep without help. If your child wakes: Go to them (rather than having them come to you). In some cases transitional objects can help to soothe without parental intervention. You could try photos, a favourite toy or baby monitors that allow you to speak through them. Comfort them quietly and calmly and avoid engaging in play or long conversations. Try soothing methods that form part of your bedtime routine like: Hand holding, Soothing sounds or repeating your ‘bedtime phrase’, Sitting nearby using the “disappearing chair” approach. Nightmares Nightmares can be distressing, especially if they relate to past trauma. Children of all ages can have nightmares as well as adults. Respond with empathy and comfort. If your child can talk about the dream, help them process and make sense of them the following day but try not to engage in stimulating conversation at night time. Night terrors Night terrors are different to nightmares and cannot be soothed. They are most common between the ages of 3 and 8. Your child might move about, scream, cry or talk. It's rare to remember a night terror in the morning. It’s distressing for parents to see but do not talk to them or intervene unless there’s a risk to the child or someone else’s safety. If the night terror is recurring and at the same time each night, try gently waking them up a few minutes beforehand for a week. This can sometimes prevent the night terror from happening. Adjusting bedtimes In order to work out the ideal bedtime for your child is to consider what time you need them to wake up for school runs and routines. You can then work backwards using the average amount of sleep for their age as a guide, but consider developmental age too. If your child is used to a late bedtime, avoid sudden changes. Instead, shift bedtime earlier in small steps: Move bedtime forward by 5-10 minutes each week. Maintain the new time consistently before adjusting again. This slow transition can reduce resistance by helping to reset the child’s internal clock. Helpful resources Sleep Action Lots of good advice including a section for teenagers. https://sleepaction.org/ Coram: Helping your child to sleep A practical booklet with more tips and a child-friendly sleep meditation. www.coram.org.uk/resource/resource-helping-your-child-sleep Adoption UK Information and Support line 0300 666 0006 Our information and support line advisers offer practical suggestions, information and encouragement, or can point you in the right direction for specialist help and sleep counselling. Anyone is welcome to call including adoptees, adopters, kinship carers and their support network. Visit our information and support line page for open hours and more information. View a printable version of this page Therapeutic parenting Manage Cookie Preferences